The Zone

There is something beautiful about being in a place that is your mind when it can reach its optimum goal. That is what I felt like probably only once in my life time. It was during my time in the United Arab Emirates, where I was struggling during my early adolescence years to find the identity that I could hold on to. Being fat, unfunny and very stuck up wasn’t the identity I wanted to be associated with no longer, as my prefrontal cortex grew and my identity being my own became of paramount importance.

It was during this time that a certain inter-school competition appeared out of the blue, from a school we considered a rival to ours. The team chosen for this task of daunting literary, artistic and performance based events would be enough to make anyone envious of our potential. But at the last minute I replaced one member from the team who would be participating for the quiz because he couldn’t make it. Just my luck (that was how my bad my esteem was at that point) that I had to go there with both my team members and the faculty believing in my worth the same amount I did – 0. I still remember my mother kissing me bye that day as she said (for probably the first and last time that life; she never needed to after that) that I would do amazing there. In the bus ride to the event, the butterflies in my stomach became carnivorous as they ate up whatever confidence I did have and I was so silent that anyone reading this would smile thinking about that me and about where he had gone. Even through registrations and the memorable opening ceremony, I was in my own world, my own mind, retreating into a corner of fear and self-doubt, questioning my existence to a point of Neitzsche slapping my face and telling me to get over it from beyond the existential grave.

My event was supposed to happen post lunch so I had enough time to run to the bathroom 5 times, almost vomit thrice, hyperventilate twice and almost faint once. I was clearly underprepared and overstressed but my teammates insisted on running the drill and plan with me, trying to converge our commonalities and diversify our differences to make the biggest impact. You have to understand that there was a huge difference between the rest of my school team and me (or so I thought like I would during a very confusing time) – they were here to win while I was here to survive. Just get through the day and go home, probably play some of that classic Pokemon Red on my GameBoy and try not to cry myself to sleep and regurgitate my tasty dinner that I knew my mom would prepare for me. But my teammates (who I will call my friends from now on, foreshadowing a change that is by now obvious to arrive) oversaw this crisis and instead pressurised me a lot to communicate and contribute to their strategy. They didn’t even let me read my story book, probably the last source of comfort I had, in a plane that I knew was going down because I was the pilot and all I wanted to do was read my book in peace during turbulent weather. My imagination aside, I mumbled something and managed to convince them that ‘I’m not a robot’ and moved on to see the results of my team across the myriad of events happening that day. It was not pretty. We lost… in pretty much everything. It was brutal. We all thought we were good, that we were prepared. We weren’t. Everything we participated in left a mark of amateurness while the others seemed too well prepared.
I was reading the event schedule when I came upon an event that somehow caught my eye. It was called ‘Spin the Yarn’. An experimental event, it was the only one that was allowing on-the spot registrations. My teachers were asking us a little later on if anyone wanted to go. Most of us said no since – one, it was during lunch; two, it was a new event and no one knew what to expect; and three, because our school could not take another loss. So it made sense not to participate and leave with some more dignity as we realised we were technically in the bottom two in rankings. In my perpetual tension, I did not realise that the registrations were being asked. But before the event began, I managed to find myself there on my way to going for lunch to their lunch hall after an unscheduled trip to the washroom and panicked running trying to find my way across the huge school without having to make socially awkward talk with anyone.

They asked me if I wanted to sign up. I was so nervous and scared I said yes and next thing I knew I was seated across a group of 5 including me among 10 groups in all. The competition was simple but effective – two chits would be randomly placed face down for each participant that would containing one verb and one noun. The person starting the round would get three chits with the first word being read out loud to start the story. Our job from then one would be to overturn the chit to read the word when it was our turn and use that cue to make a story keeping in mind relevant, consistent and creative usage. These three would be decided by the judge who would choose a winner from the round who would then go up against 4 more from the other groups and then finally from those 5 would face off in the finals. This all happened in the span of half an hour. But in that time, I owned the court every single time. I was nervous because of the impending quiz to come and also about the fact that I randomly signed up for an event without informing the teachers and the consequences of another loss was dire. This meant that I was not fully aware of what I did and how I did it but it came out naturally. You see I always loved stories, especially story-telling and would often create crazy outlandish stories that I would try to realise and make as convincing as possible. In this competition it worked to my advantage. I was fast, as it was natural for me, creative because my mind worked best with cues, and contextual because I loved entertaining those hearing my stories. I walked out of there in a daze as they said they would announce the results. I didn’t know what I did or how I did. All I knew was that I would get yelled at for being late for my quiz which I did. But something inside me clicked. I enjoyed this and was more confident about myself. The quiz went by and predictably, we lost. However it was during the valedictory that everyone was pleasantly surprised. Only one competition we won and that was the Spin the Yarn one. I don’t remember much about the day except that I was a changed man.

Now the zone here is important for me because I didn’t realise what it was at the time. I was in my world, my space and every concept I learnt in positive psychology this semester comes back to make sense of it. Whether it is flow, grit, wisdom or any other positive concept, they all came together that day at that time to lift me to greater heights as I wanted to show myself. My identity and my self-concept were re-established as the story man. I was the guy who could spin anything and make sense of everything. All I needed was an audience, the ability to talk and cues provided from an external source and I could entertain for hours. I changed from that day and what confidence I have today comes from the learning that day – a story may not necessarily be real or fictional, it is neither the two and always the two. It depends on the parties involved to know the difference.