I have never been a forgiving person and as a child I was
completely ignorant to the power of forgiveness. It is not that I actively
disliked the transgressor, but I did hold grudges and pretended like the other
person didn’t exist. I never had the desire to seek revenge, nor did I wish to
harm my transgressors in any manner. According to me they didn’t owe me
anything and hence they did not have to be nice to me.
Fast forward a couple of years I realised that this form of
coping, did not work so well when one wanted to create strong and long-lasting
bonds. During my second year in college I started living with my sister. It had
been a couple of years since we had lived together and as children we did
routinely fight, but it never transpired into anything major. As young adults a
lot had changed. It wasn’t just that our ideas of running a house were
different, but that we had a different world view. As a result, we hit a lot of
road blocks and faced many differences. In these conflicts, I really couldn’t
‘run away’ from forgiveness as I was never going to be physically relocated
from her presence. She was a constant and I wanted her to be one. This was an
individual transgressor who I could not forget or hold a grudge against. By
learning to let go of small things and forgiving her for the big ones (she had
to do the same with me), our relationship became a lot more open and
comfortable. This process really helped me in other situations where I had
previously not been so forgiving. So I tried to make a change in the way I
handle sour relations. For a period of time I attempted to seek out individuals
who I had completely shut out of my life and gave them a prompt invitation back
in. It was tough and many just ignored my attempts at reconciliation,
nevertheless I did grow as a person.
Today I am happy to say that I practice forgiving whenever the
situation asks for it, hoping others will do the same, cause we all transgress
at one point or another.
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