I can remember that meeting very clearly even today. It was on December 15th 2014 during my first year, where I thought to myself that the organisation I had joined and almost never committed to – CSA, would be alright if I just popped in for one of their general meetings. As usual, it was supposed to be fast, brief and very informative, hopefully helping me get back into the fray of the activities of the organisation I had happily stated in the beginning of the year I would be fully committed to. However it my surprise it was a different one, when the leaders of my particular wing (the teaching wing – Activity centre) came to the podium and ranted a number of minutes about how we were irregular and never once thought about how the children of our project areas who depended on us for their extra learning and grasping of concepts, felt like when we were not there. Now I do not know whether one of the leaders I was scared of the most was directly looking at me when she said it or that the guilt took over and made me imagine these things, but looking back I realised that that was the day I changed and my thoughts became wider in nature.
My work from then on is as follows – helped out in our annual thanksgiving event, ensured attendance of children were taken strictly, planned and executed the whole library for the kids as an opportunity to read and learn new things, tried getting many people to come to teach the kids in the months of January and February where their revisions and concept understanding have never been more vital. Then I was announced as leader for Activity Centre with two others who were more regular, committed and passionate than I ever was (and still are today) My term as leader that year was difficult as they were so attached to the whole cause that they would do and be able to take whatever is thrown at them to see their passion come to life. I, on the other hand, was more of a sceptic and someone who hated having power enforced on me by my senior overall CSA leaders. It was also a time when I was part of many other activities in campus and as such had to split my time among them equitably (that part was not appreciated by them at all) In due time the strain hit and I realised being spread far too thin was working against everyone’s favour and that I was everywhere but no-where as well. It was a bleak moment because it took a heated argument with one of my co-leaders before that was made evidently clear to me.
I never did have the needed time for introspection and retrospective and prospective planning like others do after times like this. For me I had to jump right back in after all of this. I generally thought during my bus journeys to and from college, my small 5 minute breaks I give myself and during exam times when I consider it my relaxation period. My solution that I came up with was something as simple and straightforward, that it was Occam’s razor at its best – just streamline where you can and never waste a single second of your life. It sounds and is simple as it is said. But getting there and truly internalizing it takes some time. The motivation I had to reach there was the fact that all the co-leaders and partners I had in my life were finding my absence straining and painful. I could never see them sad. So I made this my mantra. Everywhere I went, I wasted no time and started processing things with double the attention than before. Now I know this is not new and it has a beautiful name (industrial design) but back then it was a revelation for me. I planned my entire life in a structured way but did so every morning rather than a week ahead, and I always mentally edited it if necessary in the evenings during my contemplative bus ride so as to account for any unforeseen changes. In this way my productivity grew and as I was able to easily cope with an event that involved an entire department of about 900 students for a day-long fest which was immediately followed by an event from CSA that had about 630 children come from different project areas for a three-day long event.
However, as with any change, no matter what value magnitude one places, the other magnitude will be present as well. In this case, the negative one was that I became much more detached and cold from my friends and as I got more efficient and capable in my work, this detachment grew. I guess my energy that I reserved for these things was now being utilised for doing better work. And the worst part about this was that many new friendships I had formed and were ignoring then was because of my professionalism (especially with those in CSA who saw me flaky and unreliable before but then started interacting more as I became better and more self-efficacious) All of this was not unknown to me but I frankly couldn’t care less or give a damn because I was so tired as I was obsessed with quality of time rather than quantity, and as such often felt mentally burnt out day in and day out. Luckily I stayed at home with my parents who could take care of me during the weekends when I went back there (since my actual home was very far and I stayed in an apartment during weekdays).
However, I saw what I did as an important lesson behind many of the passionate things that people do. For all the passion they had, they could never interpret it and convert it into reality as much as I could and as such I became much more of a realistic administrative person, using my professionalism as a way to realise their passions and bring it to life. While they had the vision, the criticism, and the heart, I had my hands, my working bent of mind and the ability to make concrete solutions out of thin air. All these facts served me well but they truly stuck out then when I was trying to make their lives better and realise their dreams. I love my co-leaders and all the people in my life with the bottom of my heart and I realise that sometimes showing them through work is the best thing. It is a philosophy I always question but nonetheless stick behind. 
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